The city
The S.D.G.

The kingdom

The land

The Dark Axis
The army


GBA Game
PS2 Game

Anime Adaptation
SDGF Gaiden
Musha Retsuden
The Gundam Beauty Pageant
by Charon the Sabercat

   You're going to have hangovers...

   This is why I don't drink, 'cause I know crap like this'll happen.

Chapter 16 - Chapter 17 - Chapter 18

The Gundam Beauty Pageant
17. When You Get Drunk...

Charon opened the cautiously twisted the doorknob until she felt it click, then sllloooowwwwllllyyyy opened the back door into the break door, tiptoeing past runaway pillows and chip wrappers. Mel followed behind her with a tall stack of plastic Mardi Gras cups; Shute was behind her, barefoot and holding a jug of water. Rele followed him, also barefoot, cradling a bottle of Gatorade to her chest. Genkimaru followed her, fumbling with a carton of orange juice that was taller than him.

"By all means and purposes, or whatever, I shouldn't even be out here..." Charon whispered. "I should probably be cooking those guys something by now."

Shute leaned over so he could hear. "What happened to them?"

Charon, who was more than a little deaf, didn't hear him. "Mel, you got enough glasses for 'em all?"

Mel turned her head to the side, calculating. "I think so."

Shute whispered a little louder. "What happened?"

One word, Charon said. "Hangovers."

Mel finished the statement with, "Keep your voices down. Hangovered people don't like loud noises."

"Come on." Charon waved her hand towards a door. "We'll start with Neotopia."


Even though they were all on tiptoe, Captain could still hear every single one of their footsteps as they approached his cot. In fact, he didn't just hear them. They echoed in his head, bouncing back and forth along his skull and becoming louder with each repeat. He groaned and pulled the covers over him, tightening his grip on the pillow.

"Hey, Captain."

The words blasted his head like a shotgun; Shute didn't whisper. But even through the echoes, Captain felt the warm presence of his best friend. He reached a hand out from under his meager blanket, taking Shute's soft little palm and gripping it tightly. "It hurts..."

"I know, Captain, but we'll fix it. Come on, get up."

Captain felt a myriad of hands behind his back, pushing him up and over. They shoved until he was upright, sitting crosslegged on his cot. The oil in his system sloshed in his brain, the sudden shift in pressure making him go blind. Accompanying the blindness was a acute, stabbing pain.

He held his head and screamed. The hands were now patting his arms and shoulders, whispering encouraging lies about how he was going to get better. What made it worse was the groaning across the room.

"Aw, crap, I forgot Gunpanzer. Mel, stay here with Captain. Shute, you too. Gimme a cup."

Captain's vision slowly came back, but he wished it hadn't. Every light was on full-power, and that sent a new sliver of pain into his eyes. He covered his face and groaned. "Just kill me now."

"Don't say that, Captain."

Please, Captain thought, stop talking. "Please, be merciful."

Even through the echoes, he could hear the worried whimper in Shute's plea. "Mel, gimme a glass, hurry."

Captain could feel a hand on his wrist, pulling at his arm and threatening to expose him to the light again. He was distracted by a Gunpanzer groan, and his hand was jerked away from his face. He roared and lurched violently, yanking his arm back but throwing himself back into his cot.

Immediate regret. He had also thrown whoever was holding onto his arm, and the resulting crash began to tear his head apart. And then Mel screamed, adding a sting to the burn. He pressed his hands where his ears would be, praying to himself, God, make the noise stop...

"Is he okay?" he heard Charon ask. "Crap. Maybe we should leave Captain alone for now."

Rele gasped in her girlish, squeaky way. "Oh, Shute, are you all right?"

Nothing sobers you up faster than knowing you might have just given a loved one head trauma. With one more little burst of pain from the adrenaline shock, he was suddenly able to focus on the messy bunk room, the flourescent lighting, and the little human boy amongst the wrecked cots. "Shute!"

He bounded out of the cot like an animal, landing on all fours and righting himself on the run. He shoved the organics out of the way and grappled the boy, holding him tightly under his chin. "Shute, I'm sorry, I di..."

And THEN the oil sloshed in his head again. Not only was he loosing his sight, he was quickly losing his balance.

Mel locked up, unable to move. "Somebody catch him!"

Charon grabbed his shoulders and struggled to keep him steady. Rele created a magic disc and laid it under Captain's back at an angle, making him a makeshift chair back. He leaned against the disc and breathed, trying to regain consciousness.

He failed. He fell asleep on the disc, arms falling away from Shute's body.

The boy watched his friend's face for any sign of activity, silently praying for his safety. All that pain... all that anger... Because he drank too much? It couldn't be possible.... could it?

Charon placed her hands on Shute's head and leaned on him, making herself laugh. "See why you're not supposed to drink too much, Shute?"

He turned his head to look at her. "Have you ever drank, Charon?"

She scoffed. "Heck no, 'cause I know crap like this'll happen!" She pointed to the Princess. "Rele, put Captain back in bed. He'll probably do better if he sleeps it off."

Rele formed a bubble around Captain and floated him into the nearest cot. He took his pillow again and snuggled it, pressing it into his opened face.

Charon cupped her hand. "You get hungry, Guneagle, you come see us, 'kay?"

Guneagle, who was still tentatively drinking his Gatorade, nodded.

Charon rounded the troops. "Okay, we're going to Lacroa next. Gather your stuff, and tiptoe."

Shute stayed behind for a moment. He took a closer look at Captain; Rele had put him down on top of his blanket. He grabbed one from a fallen cot and tucked it around him, kissing him on the v-fin before leaving.


The Lacroans also shared one bedroom, but the beds were diagonal with eachother and the wall, queen-sized, and covered in quilts. But it was also dark. Charon patted the wall sporadically. "Where's the lightswitch?"

Rele chuckled. "Lacroans don't use lightswitches."

With a flourish of fingers, Rele magically made the chandelier glow, lighting the room.

Genki couldn't resist. He held where his nose would be. "Lacroans don't use bathtubs, either."

Rele's head snapped down to Genkimaru's level. "I only bathed a week ago, thank you very much!"

Mel and Shute gagged. Charon snarled. "Guys, the hangovers..."

Genki and Rele gasped and put their hands over their mouths. Charon inspected the beds: Talgeese's was empty. Deatscythe was in Zero's bed, his upper half hanging upside-down over the edge. Zero was in Deathscythe's, covers slightly ascew. Talgeese was gone. "Oh crap. Oh well."

Charon gave Zero a soft nudge. His eyes fluttered open. "Hello?"

"Hey, Zero. We figured you'd have a hangover, so we got you something to drink."

"I slept it off already..." Zero shifted himself so he could see them better. His voice was still hoarse, but otherwise he only looked tired. "Thank you for your concern, m'lady."

The kids smiled, thankful for the peace and politeness of the Winged Knight. Shute, however, was feeling uneasy. "Hey, Zero, where's Talgeese?"

"Talgeese?" Zero "hmm"ed, scratching his neck. "You know, I haven't seen him since I went to sleep..." A slow realization crept across his face. "And my leg is asleep. Charon, please move my blanket."

Charon's stomache twisted. She knew what was coming. She shot the kids a glance that told them to back away, clutched the covers with her claws, and yanked the quilts away-

Talgeese, attached to Zero's leg like a dog in heat. To add insult to injury, as the cold air hit him, Talgeese's hips gave a tiny jerk-

Zero kicked him out the window. Talgeese awoke to the sight of endless grass and blank, cold sky, with no escape in sight.

"AAAAAAAAAH!" He rocketed back through the window and dove under the covers of his bed, shivering and whimpering. "Th-th- there was no end!"

Charon blinked, surprised. "I didn't know it was that scary. I'll add some trees, jeez..." She noticed Deathscythe hadn't woken up. "Is he alive?"

Zero took a second to answer; the shock had set his gunsoul pounding, and he was breathing heavy to recover. "Sleeping spell. He won't wake up for another hour."

"Oh... okay." Charon shrugged at Mel, who shrugged back. "Well, if you need us. Drink some water anyway."

Rele handed Zero the glass, which he took with a long winded thank-you and goo-goo eyes for the Princess. The others left before it could escalate any higher.


It was Ark next, and Charon was worried for the children's minds. "Keep in mind, guys, that there are a lot of Ark Gundams and a lot of 'em got pretty drunk, so keep on your guard."

Surprisingly, the Ark sweep went pretty well. Most were either asleep or took their drink graciously. Aneko and Baku were even up and ready for breakfast (they nearly cried when Charon said she hadn't fixed any yet).

One door, though, Charon barely cracked and then slammed shut again.

Mel cocked her head. "What's wrong?"

Charon hissed. "Hoshiko's room."

Bless her heart, Mel was as thick as a brick. "So?"

"Cobramaru's in it."

"Well, where's Hoshiko?"

"With Cobramaru!"

Finally, the teenager in her kicked in, and Mel blessed. "Ohmygosh!"

Charon nodded, "Thank you, Mel, for finally getting the point."

Genkimaru danced around Charon's leg, trying to catch a glimpse through the door. "Did they get drunk too?"

"No, I'm guessing their either in love or really bored."

"Cobramaru's a ninja!" Genkimaru stated proudly. "Ninjas don't fall in love!"

Charon rolled her eyes. "Then they're bored, now can we please move on?"


The Dark Axis bunker. A narrow room with bunkbeds for walls, I was simply a dark room that the kids could do nothing about. Charon slipped through the hallway while Mel shuffled through sideways, the kids hanging behind. The room was dark, quiet, and small, making even Charon nervous... but nobody was in their beds.

Mel tapped Charon's shoudler. "Where do you think they are?"

"I don't know."

The lights suddenly flared on, and everybody screamed. They all huddled together and-

Killer Kath was standing in the doorway, hands on the lightswitch that was too low for Charon to find. "Why are you in the boy's bedroom?"

"Um..." Charon hesitated. "I figured they'd all have hangovers, so we-"

Killer laughed. "We're mechas! Alcohol is pure fuel! We burn it all off, we don't get hangovers!" She giggled cruelly. "Hangovers... that's such an organic weakness."

A loud groan leaked out from the door. Killer's smile drooped, replaced with an embarrased frown. "Uh... except for Madnug. He's got a hangover. We're taking care of it."

Charon sighed. "Whatever. Come on, guys, let's go eat gummi worms 'til our teeth hurt."

   I felt it needed to be done. Can't drink without hangovers. I love Wikipedia.

Chapter 16 - Chapter 17 - Chapter 18
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