The Gundam Beauty Pageant|
by Charon the Sabercat
The reactions to the dressing room attendants and "the hostess" telling the Gundams about the requirements for the first round.
Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3
The Gundam Beauty Pageant|
2. Introduction to the First Round
Neotopia Dressing Room:
GunEagle burst through the door, his arms and wings spread out in a showy display. "Hang on to your hats, ladies! The fun has arrived!"
GunEagle was met with a flood of giggles; all of the attendents were human except for two. One was a mobile citizen painted pink and given a goofy blonde wig.
One was a female Gundam. She was a few inches shorter than the males and of slighter build, with wide hips and a "female" chest. Obviously Neotopian, she had an angular military design like Captain and GunEagle. Her coloration was dominantly sky blue. Her v-fins were small, and her eyes were a light green. (I'll have a picture up sooner or later.)
The Neotopian Gundams, having never seen a Gundamess before... EVER... stood in the doorway for a moment and stared.
Gundiver One leaned towards Captain. "I think I'm gonna like this 'pageant' thing."
Ark Dressing Room:
Unlike the Neotopia dressing room, the Ark room was fully staffed with Gundamesses, which Cobramaru quickly made obvious by wolf-whistling.
The shrewd Gundam grabbed the first female he could (a tall one which looked remarkably like Bakunetsumaru) around the waist and pulled her close to him, much to her chagrin. "Hel-lo, love. Who are you?"
Bakunetsumaru towered over Cobramaru, his eyes blazing. "She is my SISTER!"
This took a second to sink in. Cobramaru's eyes wandered back and forth between Bakunetsumaru and his so-called sister, comparing the similarities. He twiddled his fingers on his back, making her clench her fists. Daishogun and Ashuramaru were snickering. "Sis... ter?"
Cobramaru was sent to the other side of the room, two near-identical fists prints on both sides of his face.
The rest of the Ark males couldn't stop laughing. Bakunetsumaru, as if it never happened, turned to his sister and smiled. "Hi, Aneko-chan."
Aneko pinched her brother's cheek (or, rather, mimed a pinch). "Hi, Baku-kun."
Lacroa Dressing Room:
Fully staffed with human female attendents, the three Lacroa Gundams stayed in their places as the medival-dressed ladies surveyed their latest cases.
As Deathscythe was being sized up, he leaned towards Talgeese, and Zero inadvertantly overheard, "Imagine the ugly wenches the Dark Axis must've gotten saddled with."
Dark Axis Dressing Room:
To the human eye, they might have been ugly (maybe), but the Dark Axis thought them the most beautiful machines they had ever laid eye on (ha ha). They had wide hips, narrow waists, and tiny feet that seemed impossible to walk on. They still had the trademark Dark Axis cyclops eye and moving mouthpiece, but the Dark Axis couldn't help but blush as the programmed automatons gushed over them. (Pictures of them'll be up later, too.)
"Ooh, this is the LIFE!" Zapper cried, slamming himself into a chair and throwing his head back so he could have his neck scratched.
"Yeah, I'm just gonna..." Grappler zoned out for a bit as another girl rubbed his shoulders. "Stay here for the rest of forever..."
Charon addressed each of the dressing rooms herself with the same, well-rehearsed message.
"Okay, Gundams, listen up! It's time for the first round. The votes from the fangirls-uh, judges have come in, and we've singled out one of you from each group for the first category: Most Sexy."
Captain blushed bright red and looked at his feet, while the rest of the Gundams applauded him.
Cobra smiled smarily as the other Gundam males groaned is disbelief.
He got the feeling he was being stared at; he scanned the room and saw a Gundamess ogling him, hiding her mouth with her hand. He winked at her.
Zero pumped his fist. "YES! Imean..."
He shrunk a bit under the death glares of the other two, and Charon sighed. "Boys..."
"YEAH!" Grappler flexed his "muscles" while the other psuedo-Gundams cheered. "Who da bot? Who da bot?!"
"You da bot, who da bot," Charon sarcastically replied.
The announcing of the contestants was followed up by another rehearsed speech.
"Okay, boys, now that it's decided, you're all gonna report to the main dressing room do get done up for the first round. Now, I must warn you; it'll be a dance routine, so you'll need to choreograph. And, another warning... you'll... have to go out topless."
After each contestant screamed "WHAT?!", she routinely explained.
"Well, how're we gonna tell how sexy you are if you don't show off your muscles?"
"Well..." Captain shrugged. "Okay then."
"Dude, Captain without his armour?" GunEagle gasped. "That's bogus!"
"That's obscene!" Gunpanzer growled.
"That's dangerous!" GunDiver 1 added.
"That..." Captain squirmed anxiously. "...sounds exciting."
He got many odd stares.
Cobra turned a little red. "Oh... sure..."
Kibaomaru chuckled with a sinister tone. "You look a little... embarrased."
Baku smiled as well. "Hiding something, Cobra?"
The men laughed at him, making Cobramaru lower his head. A glimmer caught his eye, making him look up-
It was the Gundam that was eyeing him. She was mostly green, with a leaf-themed pattern and gold trim. She gave Cobramaru a sly grin. "They're just jealous. I can tell you've got it."
Cobramaru was taken aback a bit, but at the same time... excited... "Oh..."
Hoshiko lowered her head again. "I gotta go, Baku-kun's mad."
She walked away, leaving Cobramaru to turn and ask Baku, "Are they all your sisters?"
"No." Baku pointed past Cobra's shoulder. "That's my mom."
Cobra was then pelted by a short old Gundamess shouting about Cobra flirting with her daughter.
Zero tried not to glow with excitement. "Yes, ma'am!"
"Isn't he proud?" Deathscythe growled, obviously jealous.
Talgeese leered. "Very..."
Deathscythe noted the look in Talgeese's eye, an evil and nasty look. A bolt of fear went through his stomache. "Ow!"
Zero was immediately floating in front of Deathscythe. "Ha ha! It's hard to look upon my magnificent visage, isn't it?"
He was whacked in the bottom by Charon.
"I just have bare circuitry under my armour!" Grappler yelled.
Charon shrugged again. "Okay, we'll fix it so you have muscles."
"No way!" Grappler growled. "I'm not gonna parade myself around so a bunch of humans can slobber over me!"
Charon flipped the clipboard paper. "There'll be mecha in the audience too."
"I'm goin'." Grappler marched to the door.
The psuedo-Gundams (and Madnug) all began chanting "Grapp-LER! Grapp-LER!", and Charon asked.
"Uh..." she squeaked, tapping tentatively on Sazabi's shoulder with a claw. "Aren't yo- I mean, don't you all, like, hate eachother?"
Zapper paused for a second, as if the question was obvious, and then shouted, "Well, not all the time!"
"Think about it, woman," Madnug purred. "If we really, and I mean really, hated eachother, do you think any of us would be here right now?"
"I... suppose not..."
"Then it's settled." Madnug cupped his hand to his faceplate. "Give 'em Dell, Grappler!"
Grappler gave the thumbs up before leaving.