The city
The S.D.G.

The kingdom

The land

The Dark Axis
The army


GBA Game
PS2 Game

Anime Adaptation
SDGF Gaiden
Musha Retsuden
The Gundam Beauty Pageant
by Charon the Sabercat

   We begin the next round, and delve a little deeper into Guneagle's dark side.

Chapter 28 - Chapter 29 - Chapter 30

The Gundam Beauty Pageant
29. The contestants are... (and baby update)

It was the typical before-round talk from Charon.

“Okay, everybody, it's time for the next thing in the pageant, and BEFORE YOU ASK-” (the comment mostly directed at the Ark Gundams) “I already called the hospital, Hanako's fine, but she still hasn't had the baby yet, so don't ask. They'll call when the baby is born.

“So, anyway, the next round is the Most Eloquent, a test of your skills in elocution. For the contestants, we have-”


“Once again, Captain Gundam, for his line, `I have been granted blah blah-blah blah-blah.” (Charon was feeling lazy today.)

That didn't stop Captain from finishing his line. “I have been granted special-”

Guneagle and Gundiver chimed in. “Dispensation to use firearms in order to defend Neotopia.”

The entire building suddenly screamed. “You will lay down your weapons and withdraw at once!”

From WAAAAAAAAY back in the Zako dorm there was a faint “Zako!”

Charon snickered. “That was so weird.”

The Neotopia room applauded. Gundiver slapped Captain's back. “Good job, Captain.”

The Gundam blushed, a ray of hope penetrating his soul drive. “Thank you.”

Then he felt the familiar, sticky disgust of Maxine. “Wow… that's three rounds now, isn't it, Captain?”

Captain wriggled. “Yes, it is, Maxine…”

Maxine leaned on Captain's chest, looking up at him with puppy eyes and exposing a lot of her neck. “You are a very impressive man, Captain Gundam. I like that…”

He shoved her out of the way with his shoulder. “Thank you, Maxine, now please…”

But he couldn't bring himself to say “go away”. Maxine was… indecisive… but he still liked her. She had his face, something no other Gundam had. He couldn't throw her aside that easily.

On the other side of the room, Guneagle was letting his rage out on Gundiver. “You see how much she likes Captain?”

Gundiver nodded. “Yep.”

“She told me it's because she can't reach you…” Guneagle sneered at his cleverness. “That he doesn't spend all of his time in front of a compute-”

Gundiver was suddenly turned to face Guneagle. “Are you trying to make me jealous?”

Guneagle's eyes bugged. “What!? Uh- no- I-”

Gundiver crossed his arms sternly. “Look, Guneagle. If you're trying to play at my emotions, it's not working.” He lowered his voice. Guneagle had to lean in to hear. “I don't like Maxine. She's fickle. She's shallow. She doesn't like people, she likes traits. If you want her, take her, but don't think she'll stay loyal to you.” He straightened up. “And besides, I'm perfectly secure with spending all my time watching Homestar Runner. If you're going to mentally break me, do it with something closer to the heart.”

“So…” Guneagle gulped. “That means you don't want to date her?”

Gundiver had a feeling his little lecture had missed the point. He sighed a small mushroom could out of his mouth. “Sure, fine.”

“YES!” Guneagle punched the air. “One down! And now…”

He looked over his shoulder. Captain was still trying to avoid Maxine's face, but couldn't. “One to go…”


“For Lacroa, Zero.”

“ZERO?!” Talgeese screamed. “But I got more votes with the judges panel!”

Charon flinched. This was going to be hard to explain. “Sort of.”

“WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!!!!!” Talgeese looked like he was about to explode. Zero and Deathscythe backed away.

“Well…” Charon noted. “I still have the original tally, and the first time everybody voted, Zero won. I've already got him set in the roster.” She pulled out a piece of paper and went over it with an extended claw. “The only reason I called another vote was because they only voted for you and Zero, and they just happened to vote more for you this time.”


“I can't, Talgeese. Sorry.”

The Knight of the Tempest was blazing red, fire in his eyes and hate brewing in his Gunsoul. Zero and Deathscythe gulped.


“For Ark, Daishogun, for impromptu haikus.”

The applause was scattered. Charon sighed. “Fine, ask.”

Bakunetsumaru leaped to the front of the crowd. “How's Hanako?”

Charon rolled her eyes, but pulled out a cell phone. “Lemme see…”

Charon dialed the hospital number. Baku backed into Aneko, and they clenched each other's hands. “Please…” he prayed to himself. “Let her be okay…”

“I'm scared, Baku-kun.” Aneko squeaked. “Hanako's so little…”

Cobramaru groaned from the outskirts, Hoshiko skirting away while avoiding his arm. “You're worrying over nothing! Women have been having babies since the beginning of time!”

“You shut up!” Bakunetsumaru snapped. “Just because you've slept with one sister doesn't give you the right to speak for another!”

Hoshiko gasped. Koko jumped into the air and smacked Baku across the back of the head with her fan.

Cobramaru stepped forward threateningly. “What did you say to me, worm?!”

Aneko grabbed her brother's shoulders and clutched him to her. “No, Baku-kun, calm down.”

“Guys, please!” Charon snapped. “I'm on the phone.”

Baku and Cobramaru turned away from each other. Hoshiko cradled Cobramaru in her arms. He hissed violently.

“Your brother is infuriating…”

Bakunetsumaru laughed to himself, jerking his head towards Aneko. “He's only insulted because he knows I'm right.”

Baku barely turned in time to block Cobramaru's attack. The Musha Gundams rushed forward and pulled the Gundams away from each other. Charon covered the phone and shouted for Melady, who rushed in gun first ready to shoot someone.

Baku wrenched in Daishogun's grasp. “Lecher!”

Cobramaru spat from Kibaomaru's arm. “Virgin!”

The room gasped. Baku was in shock. “But- but-”

“What? You think I didn't hear that little talk with the walking brick?” Cobra hissed. “The only reason you're so mad about me getting tail is because you can't get any yourself!”

“What? Oh no…”

Charon's voice cut through the fight, thankfully (or maybe not). Her face had gone a bit paler, and she was nervously biting her lip. “Okay… I'll tell them…”

Mel couldn't resist. “What's the matter?”

Charon hung up the phone. “Hanako's in surgery.”

Aneko wheezed. “Surgery?”

Charon twiddled her fingers. “She's having a C-section.”

Melady flinched. “Ow!”

Ashuramaru blinked, confused. “What?”

Britainmaru fiddled with his moustache. “What's a `si-sek-shon'?”

One could see the bubble of apprehension in Charon's neck, but she continued. “You know how… typically, the woman just… opens up? And then the baby comes out?” (She didn't give them a chance to answer.) “Well, she didn't, so they're going to cut her open the rest of the way, get the baby out, and put her back together again.”

Bakunetsumaru fainted.


Melady shook her head. “Way to be subtle, Charon.”

Charon put her arms akimbo. “Would you rather I beat around the bush?”


“For the Dark Axis, Zapper Zaku.”

“YES!” Zapper threw his arms in the air. “I GOT NOMINATED! YES! IN YOUR FACE, SKINNY BOYS! WOOOOO!” He patted his stomach. “Score one for the fat dude!”

Charon giggled. “You're not fat, Zapper.”

Zapper pointed to Grappler. “I'm fatter than him.” He point to Madnug. “I'm fatter than him.” He pointed to Killer. “I'm fatter than her.”

Grappler crossed his arms. “That doesn't take much.”

Killer threw herself at him. “You know just how to compliment me, my silver-tongued smasher!”

“The only ones I'm skinnier than are Dom and Sazabi, and Sazabi doesn't count `cause he's taller than me!”

The lightning cracked outside, and Zapper's stomach hurt again. He grabbed his gut. “Oo… spam BERRIES!”

Charon rolled her eyes.


“Everybody, you know the drill! Get to your dressing room with a stylist! Go, go, go!”

Chapter 28 - Chapter 29 - Chapter 30
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