The Gundam Beauty Pageant|
by Charon the Sabercat
This thing just keeps getting longer! Daishogun, Dom, Deathscythe, and Captain are all decked out to see who will choose them for Most Detailed Gundam!
Chapter 12 - Chapter 13 - Chapter 14
The Gundam Beauty Pageant|
13. Most Detailed!
And now, the Most Detailed!
Charon tried to spin the microphone in her short fingers and succeeded in hitting herself on the knee. She picked it up without a hint of embarrasment and continued. "Okay, ladies and gentlemen, or gentleman, depending on who's still recovering from the last round, it's time for the show to focus on which Gundam is the most intricate, the most beautiful, and above all, the Most Detailed!"
The crowd cheered and applauded. Shute held up a poster from the orchestra pit which read "Go CAptAiN!" in horrible clashing glitter-glue colors.
With a wave of her hand, Charon calmed the audience into an anxious silence. "I will be interviewing the contestants one by one, pointing out various noticeables and any details that the cheap-seat audience members might be too far away to see. First up will be..."
She cast a discreet glance behind her. Deathscythe was struggling not to yawn. Captain's eyes shot away from her glance and began looking at the curtains. Daishogun was waving his fan, uninterested.
Destroyer Dom had his hands folded pitifully. He psychically plead to Charon, "Pllleeeeeeaaaaasseeee..."
With a smile, Charon announced, "Destroyer Dom!"
Dom bounced to Charon's side, gleaming as the spotlight focused in on him and the sabercat. His one eye was smiling in the way only it could, and he held his hands to his face. "Dom pretty! Yeah!"
Charon giggled. "Hi, there, D-Dom."
"Dom no like be called D-Dom." Dom corrected.
"Oh!" Charon's leopard-spotted skin turned a little more red in a blush. "Sorry."
"Sound like person stutter."
"Makes sense. So, Dom, what makes you think you can win the Most Detailed portion of our program?"
"Uh..." Dom's head lolled about his shoulders, and his eye rolled. Someone in the audience laughed. "Oo! Dom got rivets!"
Charon was amused. It was like asking a five-year-old to explain an art project. "Rivets?"
"Ya, I got rivets!" Dom pointed to a number of silver rivets that circled his belt and skirt armor. "See, pretty little silver rivets!"
"Aw, that's cute!" Charon placed her hands on her knees and leaned on her legs. "I see those rivets are on your shoulder joints, too."
"I do!" Dom cheered, as if he just noticed. "Dom got little rivets everywhere!"
"Well, isn't that sweet." Charon stood up straight again. "For the patrons in the audience studying art, Dom's repeating rivets on his armor follow the element of design 'harmony'. The repeating shapes bring unity to Dom's form." Charon turned her attention back to Dom, kneeling down once again. "Anything else you want to say, Dom?"
Dom seemed to be pondering something. "Things over and over again good?"
"Over and ov- Oh, repetition!" Charon shook her head, the words jumbling her her brain. "Yeah, repeating patterns are good."
Dom pointed to his head. "I got lots of little yellow spikes!"
"That, you do, Dommy!" Charon looked to the audience again. "Dom's brought up another good point. Dom's main colors are purple and yellow, complimentary colors on the color wheel."
Dom giggled. "Dom same color as Mardi Gras."
Charon's smile turned stern. "Not yet, Dommy, but you're close." She smiled again. "Sorry, Dommy, but we're running out of time. Anything else you wanna say?"
There was no hesitation. "Dom got poofy legs."
"... You sure do, Dommy."
Dom leaned back and forth, flexing his ankles. "Like samurai pants."
Charon repeated, "Like samurai pants." She laughed. "Okay, Dom, thanks for coming up. Everybody, clap for Destroyer Dom!"
The crowd filled the auditorium with applause and good-natured whistles. Dom was pratically glowing when he stood back in his spot. The exciteable bot looked at Daishogun. "They think Dom pretty!"
Daishogun returned the smile. "Good job, Destroyer Dom."
"Next up is Deathscyth-"
Charon's body suddenly locked up; Deathscythe was already behind her, and signalled his arrival with a jab in the small of her back. Charon snarled and "wiped" the poke off of her back, but started the interview. "Deathscythe, Knight of Darkness."
Charon scratched her head. She barely knew what Deathscythe even sounded like, much less how to talk to him. "So, um... like the whole dragon thing. That's from merging with the Steel Dragon, right?"
"So, why do you have pointy elf toes?"
Deathscythe's eyes exploded out of his head. "I DO NOT HAVE POINTY ELF TOES!"
Charon pointed to Deathscythe's toes, which pointed upwards at a sharp angle. Deathscythe's eyes darted back and forth. "Those are talons!"
"Okay." Charon shrugged off the comment. "Enough of that, I wanna point this out here." Charon wiggled closer to Deathscythe and began pointing to his v-fin. "I like this. You've got, like, six v-fins. There's the big ones from the eyes, these in the behind the big ones, the two coming out of your forehead jewel, and then the one above it."
Deathscythe smiled smugly. "All those horns from the Steel Dragon have got to go somewhere."
Charon was unsure what to make of this comment. "Um... okey-dokey. Now, for the real deal, I LOVE your wings!"
Without warning, Charon grabbed one of Deathscythe's wings and yanked him towards her, tracing the patterns with her fingers. "I mean, check this out! You can make out the wing membranes inbetween the fingers!"
Her fingers traced up Deathscythe's wing and caught on a red projection on the corner. "I mean, you've even got a thumb! That is extraordinarily life-like, very anatomically correct!"
Deathscythe's smile grew. "Thank you, milady."
Charon released the wing. "Well, thank you, Deathscythe, but to tell you the truth, I have no idea how to talk to you."
The knight jerked back, noticeably jarred by the comment. "Uh- um-"
"Everybody, round of applause for Deathscythe!"
Deathscythe was thankfully distracted by the audience's cheers. He bowed and, while he was down, flapped his wings, resulting in excited cheers from dragon-loving anime fangirls. He took his spot by Captain, who was standing uncomfortably still, even for him. Deathscythe sneered. "This is in the bag."
"G-glad to let you have it."
It lasted for barely a moment, but Deathscythe swore he heard it. Captain stuttered. He resisted the urge to look again.
"Next up, Captain Gundam!"
Captain gulped before stepping up to Charon's side. Charon put a hand on his shoulder. "Captain..." Her voice twittered with a hidden glee. "You're shaking..."
"I know." Captain wrung his hands.
"Don't worry, I'll be quick." Charon scanned Captain up and down. She poked several places on his shoulder guards and chest. "Rivet rivet rivet-"
"They're not rivets," Captain stated, gathering a bit of his nerve back. "They're just decals. Well, the circles on my shoulders are decals. The circles on my chest are vents."
"I was just about to say that," Charon mentioned. "You don't have those rectangle vents anymore. What happened?"
"They were removed after my upgrade." Captain rubbed the vents nervously, but was growing increasingly calm as the conversation continued. "They did not tell me why. My theory is that they were replaced because they were vulnerable to Ashuramaru's attack."
Charon snapped her fingers. "Hang on a second, Captain." She waved to the audience. "Everyone, I'd like to make a point that a close runner-up and honorable mention should be given to Ashuramaru, who also qualified for the Most Detailed round but didn't make the cut. He did receive a consolation prize."
Ashuramaru had a paddleball in all six arms, each emblazoned with a different character from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon. He bounced all of them expertly, a goofy grin on his face.
Shute watched him forlornly, staring at the Donatello paddle ball. "Can I p-"
"I like your booster jets, Captain." Charon pressed on one gently. "Captain, following the whole wing motif. These look sturdy. Can I sit on them?"
Captain frowned. "No."
"Okay, nevermind." Charon extended a claw and tapped Captain's double beamsaber. "That thing's cool. OKAY, Captain, something I noticed. Your ankle guards."
"What about them?"
"They have more... lines."
"Oh. Reinforcement. I weigh more than I used to. I need the extra support."
Captain looked at his feet, not nervous but calculating. "Or my ankles would shatter."
"OW!" Charon flinched. She shook of the unease (but her ankles were suddenly sore), and instead focused again on Captain's booster rockets. "Oh, I wanna sit on them! They look like motorcycle seats!"
Captain repeated, "No."
"Dang. Oh well. Everybody clap for Captain Gundam!"
The applause filled the room. Captain blushed and returned to his place, silent.
"And finally, the Daishogun of Perfect Virtue!"
Daishogun seemed to float as he walked, standing next to Charon and gently waving his fan. Her pupils dilated. "That's... a lot... of gold."
Daishogun flicked his fan out and covered his mouth. "Thank you."
Charon began looking the Daishogun over. "Are those v-fin wings? Are those more wing thingies on your shoulder? Why do all of you guys have wing motifs?"
Daishogun shrugged. "It is part of The Golden Crest. The eagle is the symbol of Ark."
"Are bows the symbol of Ark too?" Charon pointed to a red ribbon-like pattern on Daishogun's skirt armor and feet. "Ha ha ha. Just kidding." A smile split across her face. "Dai-shooo-guuuuun. Guess whaaaat?"
Daishogun could sense it. He re-flicked the fan and covered his face.
"Rivet rivet rivet rivet rivet rivet-"
Daishogun masked a groan while Dom laughed at Charon's constant poking. He fanned himself patiently. "Leave her be, it's been a long chapter..."
"...rivet rivet rivet! AUDIENCE, WHAT DO ALL THE RIVETS MEAN?!"
The audience roared back, "HARMONY!"
Charon wiped her forehead. "Finally, an intelligent crowd... okay, Daishogun, got one more point I want to make before you leave."
Daishogun lowered his fan. "What is that?"
The fan went right back up. "I'm done here."
"Everybody, the Daishogun!"
The final round of applause went up, and Charon signalled the boys to bow.